Donald Trump’s Bedtime Story

I’ve written about my twin-like similarity to the President of the United States. Usually, this fact is disconcerting, somewhat embarrassing to me. Sometimes, though, it’s downright awkward. Just yesterday, I accidentally imagined my virtual twin putting his head on my lap and asking me to stroke his hair while I told him a story. Even in my dreams, I wouldn’t touch whatever that hair was, and I didn’t like his head on my lap. I tried to lift it, but the head weighed over a hundred pounds.

“What story would you like?” I asked.

“Tell me the one about John Adams throwing the media in jail.”

“OK,” I began. “John Adams was president-”

“Which is like being God, right?”

“No Donald. It’s not. Anyway, President Adams was worried about two things: France influence and the fact that the people liked Jefferson more than they liked him. So, to stop anybody from saying anything about him, he got a couple laws passed. The second was the Alien Sedition Act.”

“And it allowed him to throw all the media in jail anytime he wanted!” Donald was pretty excited about this, and he raised his head off my lap. This was comforting, in more ways than one.

“Sort of,” I said. “It was used by Adams as an excuse to jail newspapermen who spoke out against him. It was a First Amendment violation.”

“First Amendment, Schmirst Amendment,” Donald said, putting his head back on my lap. “Now tell me the part about how Adams hated immigrants.”

And with that, we closed our eyes and went to sleep.

For a full explanation of the elections of John Adams and Donald Trump, please read my book. 

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